Top 20 Funny Quotes 2019

Funny Quotes 2019:

Top 20 Funny Quotes 2019

Top 20 Funny Quotes 2019

1.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright

2.
Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. Spanish proverb

3.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. Rodney Dangerfield

4.
Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 or something. Mitch Hedberg

5.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

6.
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. Mitch Hedberg

7.
The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Bill Murray

8.
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. Steven Wright

9.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. Steven Wright

10.
I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin

11.
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. Oscar Wilde

12.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain

13.
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? Jerry Seinfeld

14.
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. Bill Murray

15.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Billy Sunday

16.
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain

17.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston S. Churchill

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18.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite

19.
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. Ellen DeGeneres

20.
Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Will Rogers

 

Top 20 Funny Quotes 2019

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