Merry Christmas Funny Quotes 2019: Here we have collected some wonderful Merry Christmas wishes and greetings for you and feel free to browse through these Merry Christmas Funny Quotes 2019 and send it your dears and nears
1. Christmas is the festival of love and spirit, So let us drink the spirit to feel love. Merry Christmas to You.
2. Very Merry Christmas, Young, with every good wish, Ray, San Francisco California.
3. Christmas is coming; it is almost here! With Santa and presents, goodwill and cheer!
4. Dear Santa this year please give me A big fat bank account and a slim body And this year don’t mix the two up.
5. We had an amazing last night in San Francisco before the holidays… Thanks, Roland and Sebastien.. we had a BLAST!!!!! Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas Funny Quotes
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6. Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.
7. Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!
8. Merry Christmas! Sending you love, love, and more love today!
9. I can understand people simply fleeing the mountainous effort Christmas has become… but there are always a few saving graces and finally they make up for all the bother and distress.
10. Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
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11. What a fantastic show. still quite the showman and his band is top notch. Merry Christmas and the happy new year! It is the Christmas time: And up and down ‘twixt heaven and earth, In glorious grief and solemn mirth, The shining angels climb.
12. Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
13. Christmas is a time for showing our love to our loved ones.
14. Fail not to call to mind, in the course of the twenty-fifth of this month, that the Divinest Heart that ever walked the earth was born on that day; and then smile and enjoy yourselves for the rest of it; for mirth is also of Heaven’s making.
15. Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind.
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16. The family is the most beautiful present for Christmas.
17. The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect!
18. Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men; And make them do the washing up
19. I wish you a Christmas full of love! I wish you a Christmas full of love!
20. I do like Christmas on the whole… In its clumsy way, it does approach Peace and Goodwill. But it is clumsier every year.
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21. Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
22. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
23. Bloody Christmas, here again, let us raise a loving cup, peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.
24. Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!
25. Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of Santa?
26. Your friendship is the most precious gift that I got years ago… I thank you being such an amazing friend and my strength… Merry Christmas to you my dear.
27. The best present to give on Christmas is your time and I am excited to spend this Christmas with my best buddy…. Merry Christmas and I are looking forward to this holiday season.
28. Merry Kissmyass with lots of hugs.
29. I’m only a morning person on December 25th.
30. My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.
31. I wish that God’s blessings shower you and your loved ones with eternal happiness and moments of joy… Wrapped with love, I am sending warm wishes. Merry Christmas my dear.
32. Christmas is not just for offering prayers and singing carols. Let us make Christmas 2018 all the more fun by messing around and getting drunk. Dear pal, let us rock this festive season. Wishing you Merry Christmas loaded with parties.
33. May your holidays be like Santa – fat, cheerful and abundant!
34. All I want for Christmas is you… and pizza too.
35. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
36. This is to inform you that Santa Claus has decided to take a leave on Xmas because you have been a good boy all year long. Wishing you a Merry Christmas without gifts as this year there will be no Santa.
37. Santa Claus knows whether you have been good or bad this year. So don’t expect him to bring gifts to you. Hope you have a Merry Christmas anyway.
38. Greetings from the North Pole! Don’t be shocked… it’s Christmas again!
39. Dear Santa: How much for your list with all the naughty girls on it?
40. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.
41. I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
42. The worst gift that I ever gave a girl was a suitcase for Christmas. As in, “I can’t think of anything to give you, but here’s a new suitcase.” Afterward, I was like, “What were you thinking, idiot?
43. Santa is not arriving at your place this year. He doesn’t have anything for you as he is giving me all your gifts. Sorry for this but anyways a merry Christmas to you.
44. This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones
45. The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: “Some assembly required.
46. Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
47. It’s customarily said that Christmas is done ‘for the kids’. Considering how awful Christmas is and how little our society likes children, this must be true.
48. This Christmas Santa Claus is not coming as he is busy losing his weight. So don’t be sad and enjoy this Christmas, my dear friend.
49. This year you were not behaving well. So Santa has wished that you become like him- Fat and happy. Merry Christmas.
50. Got my wife some lovely perfume for Xmas, it’s called Tester… Hope she likes it.
51. Dear kids, there is no Santa. Those presents are from your parent’s love, Wikileaks.
52. I don’t have any gift for you this Christmas. So don’t expect as they will be late by a year. You will get your gifts by next Christmas. Merry Christmas.
53. Handmade Christmas presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.
54. Christmas is canceled. I told Santa I’ve been good this year. He died laughing.
55. What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.
56. I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.
57. A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together
58. I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.
59. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, “Toys not included.
60. I knew you were coming so I baked a cake. It was delicious. Happy Christmas!
61. Dear Santa: this year please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body, and this year doesn’t mix the two up.
62. That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
63. Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.
64. For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway!
65. The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
66. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
67. My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.
68. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot’s him.
69. Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!
70. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
71. Christmas comes, but once a year is enough.
72. How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman would wear the same outfit year after year.
73. Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.
74. Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?
75. Christmas is the time when everyone wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
76. The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: Some assembly required.
77. His name is Clause. Santa Clause. The Force is with him. And he’ll be back!
78. My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he’s pissed that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.
79. Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.
80. Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music
81. Nothing is sadder than a gift card that says “Cannot be used for the purchase of alcohol.
82. The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
83. Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.
84. Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.
85. I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.
86. Next, to a circus, there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit.
87. From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
88. Google should have a Christmas Season Street View that shows houses with Christmas lights.
89. Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer… Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
90. Choosing someone based on their looks is like picking a Christmas gift based on the wrapping paper.
91. What’s red and white and red, red and white, and red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a hill!
92. I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
93. Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.
94. Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.
95. Although it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning.
96. I don’t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
97. Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.
98. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
99. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day
100. He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
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